The (Academic) Year of Country Club Sports - Sport 1: Tennis

Judge me alllllll you want, but this year, my goal is to take over the Country Club sports (sidenote: yes, my "year" still runs by the academic calendar. In just 10 months I'll be forced to make New Years Resolutions in January. LAME). My roommate and best friend from undergrad the best 4 years of my life laughed, but I am totally serious.  So serious in fact that this morning I bought an adidas golf skort (thanks RueLaLa for a bangin' sale) and tonight I put OWS into action.  What is OWS you ask? Why, it's Operation Williams Sisters.  DUH!  My sorority big sister, Ensley, has a blog as well.  It's called Haughty by Nature and, let me tell you, she will CRACK. YOU. UP!  She recently dubbed OKM (Operation Kate Middleton) as a way of avoiding tempting junk food.  The premise is just think of how beautiful and thin (almost gaunt now, but we'll say OKM channels pre-wedding Kate) she is and then magically you find yourself putting down the popcorn and picking up a carrot (for those of you that know me, you realize how big a feat this is since I am addicted to popcorn).  So, thanks to Ens for giving me the idea for OWS.

OWS was born from a Groupon--$20 for 4 clinic lessons. Usually I can turn down Groupons but this one seemed just too perfect (Molly, I imagine this is how you feel every time you buy one!!)  It must have been right around the time of the French Open too because I was all hyped up on tennis. I grew up with a tennis playing mother, have watched every Major since I can remember, and have taken a few lessons in my time.  I roped my friend Julia into doing this with me since I was too chicken to do it alone (NEWSFLASH: Girls don't just go to the bathroom in pairs).   We decided that we want to be the Williams sisters, but not.  We're caucasian so the skin color is out.  We're blonde, so the hair color is out.  Although I'm on pace with the height (I'm 5'11" according to Dr. Lwin, who recognized very early on that if she ever told me I was 6' she'd lose me to a bribable doctor), Julia's height is more on par with the likes of Justine Henin. So the height is out.  Talent was the only thing left to align us with the Williams sisters...

We hoped in Ferg looking like the pros (Ferg is my adorable '07 Focus hatchback "Ferguson the Ford" named after Sarah Ferguson before she sold access to her ex-husband--which I think was a brilliant idea--that I plan on driving until I can give my teenager a 20yr old car).  We have state of the art equipment: running shoes and $30 racquets from Target (yet another Christmas gift for a slightly older version of my brother--18--Matthew is betting a thousand isn't he!). That's right--state. of. the. art.  As we waited for our lesson to start I scoped out the competition chatted up the other people hoping to be the next Rafa Nadal (yum) and [insert name here of a dominant female player].  The moving of my jaw must have really put my body out because I instantly started sweating, just standing still.  But, apparently, there was a heat advisory out.  Awesome.  I won't complain because Julia and I have a free lesson coming to us on Saturday indoors do to Mother Nature.  Julia and I thought we'd be turning the clinic into the comedy hour with our skills, but once the balls starting coming over the net, I think we were pleasantly surprised that we didn't [insert the tennis version of dance's phrase "having two left feet" here].

Once the lesson started everything was great! (Reality Check, KEL: You are in the "Beginners" class)  There was a great mix of people--some who have never touched a racquet and others like me (who seriously believe their 4 clinic lessons will bring them to the US Open Finals at Flushing Meadows and not as the spectator--as the player slinging soaked sweat bands into a screaming crowd).  Our instructor, Raj, picked up all our names in 2.2 seconds. At some point in the hour lesson, I asked him if he was a "leftist" because every time my fellow left-handed player, Carol, and I stepped up to hit balls he'd come up with some great life tennis lesson to share with all of us at the net.  At least there was another one in the group! Julia is a traitor because she plays sports right-handed but writes left-handed. Since I'm dreaming about my blue golf skort as I write this blog, how do I play golf? I bat right-handed, throw left-handed, play tennis left-handed...but golf?? I thiiiink I play golf right handed, but it's been so long...I should probably get that figured out before I take over the links...hold on.

[Ok. I took out my driver swung the club a few times (in my living room...safe) and then thought, "Oh that's great. I still have no idea which way is which." So then I Googled it.  Don't try because the answer doesn't exist on Google!  So then I used deductive reasoning--if Matthew (my brother with the awesome Christmas presents) could break three of my clubs that means he could play with them which leads me to the conclusion that I play golf right-handed.  <-- BLONDE MOMENT!]

Back to OWS...Julia and I really enjoyed our tennis lesson.  We had such a blast, and sweat a lot. Raj liked to challenge my wingspan so I spent most of the hour looking like Grandmother Willow blowing in the wind (see: Pocahontas).  But, spread eagles aside, it was a total blast!  I graced the competition my new friends with all of my comments---mostly fart sounds (when I mishit a ball) and G rated swear words like "ffffffffudge" and "shhhhhucks" (when I did that ball a favor and let it go past me). I'll get better with my vocals...I've still got to work on my grunt (see: Serena, Sharapova, et al).  So, I wasn't the worst in the bunch and if I could just get more balls in, then I'd be pretty good...in the Beginners Class.  As we left the clinic I spied a woman channeling her inner Ivanovic in the CUTEST tennis dress. I've been Google shopping for one since then...If I want to BE the part, don't I have to look the part?? (That's how I rationalized this skort anyway...)

Julia and I will be going to see how the "other half lives" and play indoor at our "bonus" lesson on Saturday...As of now, the "talent" prong of being the Williams sisters is still in the running...

I'll update you on OWS Saturday...GO GATORS!